Sunday, 22 March 2015

Reflections on romantic relationships

You might be wondering what romantic relationships have to do with minimalism. Let me explain what I've been thinking about.

Today I re-read my life plan that I wrote a little while ago. I haven't printed it yet like I said that I would because I feel like I still have to work at it a little. But as I was reading it, there was a part of it that stood out as "off".

What I read that inspired me to write out my life plan suggested that when you go through the process, you write in as much details as you want/can. Dream big. Write out your dream life. Whether it's actually possible or not. Where you live, what you do, what things/people are part of your life, what experiences, basically everything. When I wrote about what my home is (will be) like, I wrote about who I would be sharing it with. Obviously, my daughter made the cut. :)  But I had also added "my spouse" (which in my mind could just as well mean a boyfriend). When I wrote that in, it felt odd to me. Am I writing this down because I want to live with someone, or because I think that's what is expected? I didn't have anyone in particular in mind. Just some generic Mr. Right For Me. But I decided to let it go and keep adding to my life plan. Every time I read it since then, it stands out as off. And tonight, even more so. I'm trying to figure out why...

You see, I lived with my daughter's father for approximately 5 years (we were a couple for about 7 years, engaged 3 of those years, never were married). I'm not exactly sure on the amount of time because I'm not one to remember such things unless I write them down. We had never celebrated an anniversary, and that was fine with me. I'm more of an every day kindness and love sort of person than a once a year let me remind you that I love you type of person. That should be done on a daily basis, or almost daily, in my opinion.

Anyway, we parted ways over 13 years ago. I haven't had a long term relationship since. The longest I've had since him was an almost 5 month relationship. I'm not even quite convinced that that relationship counts at all.

I'm wondering if the fact that adding a significant other to my life plan feels off might be because I don't believe in it anymore considering that it has been so long? Or could it be because I don't want a serious long term relationship? Or do I want the serious long term relationship, but would rather we not live together? Or any other reason that I can't think of at the moment... I really don't know. A few years ago, I would have been able to answer that it was because I didn't believe in it anymore. Now, I'm not so sure.

I'm really hoping that I will figure this out on my journey to simplicity. Getting rid of the clutter both physically and emotionally should help me get there. Right? But then again, do I really need to figure it out? From what I've been reading on other people's experiences with a minimalist lifestyle, you should practice living in the moment, experiencing life fully. I suppose until I'm faced with a proposition of moving in with (or marrying) someone, then there is no point to really figure this out just yet. Just go with the flow?...

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