Perfectly imperfect

I was talking to my awesome friend Christy today at work and telling her about how disappointed I was with myself for the weekend I had. Although I had prepared another essay for today's post, she suggested that I write about these feelings instead. So here it is...
I put unnecessary pressure upon myself to be perfect. And this somewhat ruined an otherwise lovely weekend. Because we had gorgeous weather this past weekend, I felt like I should have taken advantage of it more. I should have gone on an adventure with my daughter. We should have gone hiking. We should have visited a museum. We should have taken a road trip. We should have taken a local boat tour of downtown Ottawa. We should have spent more time outside. We should have visited my awesome friend Christy. But we didn’t, and that got me down.

It got me down because I was aware of all of this weekend’s possibilities and I didn’t do any of it. I had also told myself that I would have perfect healthy food at every meal, but I ended up having take-out for some of my weekend meals.

All of this made me feel like a fraud because I’ve been writing about living my life and getting healthy, yet I didn’t do much “living” this past weekend, I didn’t exercise enough and my food intake wasn’t perfect. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I want to be the person I write about being – the person who’s getting her life together. I fool myself into thinking that I can achieve perfection. That I will live every weekend to the fullest and that I will always eat the best healthiest foods. And when I inevitably don't reach this perfection, I beat myself up about it.

The thing is that that’s not reasonable. There will be weekends where it seems like the only thing I can manage to do is breathe. There will be off days. I just have to remember that having a bad day (weekend) doesn’t mean that all of the progress I’ve made is out the window. I have the skills to get back up and get back at it.

When I stopped beating myself up and thought about some of the things I did, I realized that my perception was wrong. This past weekend, I went through my filed paperwork and got rid of more unnecessary documents. I made a batch of healthy Paleo morning glory muffins. I took my daughter to get a haircut while I got my nails done. My daughter and I went for a walk Saturday evening. I spent a little time with my daughter, sister, niece and mother on Sunday. And I wrote. My actions may not have lived up to my grand expectations, but they were positive actions nonetheless. It's not like I did nothing. But even if I didn't do anything, that would have been perfectly fine also.

I must accept that I'm perfectly imperfect.


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