Alone with my thoughts

I've been spending lots of time alone at the condo, cleaning it, preparing it for us to move into. My mom thinks I should get my daughter to help. Even though it's tiring, it's sort of a treat to do it alone. I take my time, familiarizing myself with the new place. Its light. Its sounds. Its space.

This part of moving is my favourite. There are few items in the condo, namely some cleaning supplies, my toolbox, my record player and records, a couple of outdoor folding chairs, and my head full of thoughts. I've played a few records while cleaning, but for the most part I spend my time there working in the not so quiet of my thoughts. 
Once in awhile, my mind wanders to a little self-criticism. It's automatic for me. I'm harder on myself than I am on anyone else. When my thoughts turn to self-criticism, I've been stopping themI change the internal dialogue to one with a little more compassion. My journey hasn't been exactly easy. You might say the same about yours. Such is life. Mind you, my life hasn't been terrible. I consider myself quite lucky. But I definitely wouldn't be as mean to anyone else as I've been with myself. Instead I'd try to find words of encouragement and solutions to the things in that person's life that they struggle with.

But don't worry, for the most part, my thoughts have been superficial - ewww they call that clean, how will I arrange my stuff, have I really purged enough, well that's poor workmanshiphave I made the right decision, will we like living here, why can't I screw this screw into the wall... 
I haven't delved yet into thoughts about past, present and future relationships with people and myself. As I've mentioned before, I tend to think a lot. Sometimes I overthink. Analyzing everything. Evaluating if things are as they should be. What I should have done. How well I handled a situation. What can I do better next time... Yes, that comes with being an introvert. But at the moment, my thoughts remain mostly superficial, and that's great! I'm giving myself a break. And actually, on Saturday I was able to completely quiet my mind for a little while.

I imagine that all this time doing something as physical and simple as cleaning all alone with my thoughts must be similar to mediation (which I've been meaning to officially start doing). I find it peaceful, especially when I can quiet my thoughts or at least bring them to the more superficial type thoughts. But man am I looking forward to us being settled in and starting our new life as urbanites!


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