How strange

How strange it is to have what I wanted. I've been living downtown now for two weeks. It's been just my daughter Cat and I since September 26th. As I write this, I'm sitting in the living room on a single-sized mattress that's functioning as our couch until our new couch gets delivered. The TV is off, and the only noise is the very loud heating and cooling unit.

My life before downtown
Suburban living. Having to drive everywhere to get anything or to get to anywhere. A lot of TV watching because it was pretty much always on. I had books to read. I had things to write. I had music to listen to. I had ukuleles to play. I had things to draw, paint, sew, knit or crochet. I hardly ever did any of those things. How could I? TV was on!

My life now
The TV is off most of the time. There's nothing that I'd really want to watch. Also, I don't have cable anymore. So unless it's online and accessible legally, I can't watch it. That's fine because there wasn't anything I'd watch regularly. It was just whatever Cat or my mom would want to watch. I knew, but I didn't realize how much space and time TV was occupying.

I have unpacking to do. I have books to read. I have things to write (other than this blog). I have music to listen to. I have ukuleles to play. I have a city to explore. I have things to draw, paint, sew, knit or crochet. But I don't really know what to focus on. It doesn't really matter whichever one I choose.

I guess I'm just trying to convey my current state of mind. I'm feeling a little lost. Not knowing what to do or when to do it. I went from a set routine to nothing, other than work for me and school for Cat. I can completely reinvent how I live my life, and that's a strange feeling. I know I know, we can always reinvent how we live our lives. It's just that now, for me, I kind of have to. I have nothing set yet. My old routines don't fit my current conditions.

How strange to be faced with such possibilities. It's not a bad feeling. It's just odd. And all year I've been writing about how I'm doing things I've never done before or getting back into stuff I used to like. Letting go of the not so useful to make room for the useful. It's a perfectly good place to be.

I have a feeling that this new beginning will be filled with many moments of just being. Sitting in a quiet room with no other distractions than my surroundings. Trying to figure out how I want to live my life and use my time. All this time that's been freed up now that I don't have to drive to and from work. That I don't have as many things to take care of. That I don't have a yard to maintain. That I have only Cat and myself to take care of. That I'm not watching so much TV. Oh how unnecessarily busy I was before. Busy with so many tasks and things that didn't add much value to my life.

So now what?


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