Questioning the reality of the world with which I'm presented

My daughter was watching The Truman Show on Saturday morning. As I was waiting to meet up with a friend for lunch, I watched a bit of the movie with her. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, it chronicles the life of a man (Truman) who is initially unaware that he is living in a constructed reality television show, broadcast around the clock to billions of people around the globe. He becomes suspicious of his perceived reality and embarks on a quest to discover the truth about his life.

At one point in the movie when things aren't going as smoothly because Truman is trying to discover the truth, the creator of the show, Cristof, is asked in an interview: "Why do you think Truman has never come close to discovering the true nature of his world, until now?" Cristof replies "We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented. It's as simple as that."

Huh!... That's it! That's why I've always been somewhat reluctant to make changes in my life until very recently. Wanting a different lifestyle than the one I was raised in was practically unthinkable. Even if it didn't feel like it suited me. I just figured it's how things were supposed to be and something was wrong with me for feeling uneasy, restless, unsatisfied and frustrated with the status quo. So I kept trying to change myself.

I'm always trying to figure things out. Figure out life and how to live the best one I can. So it's no surprise that as time went on, I could no longer accept the reality of the world with which I was presented. I couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that this wasn't the way things were supposed to be for me. I was and am supposed to live my life differently than the way I had been living it.

I still have a long way to go before I get to where I want to be. I'm not even quite sure where that is... But I suppose that's the point. Paul would make fun of me for writing this but... it's about the journey, not the destination. I still struggle with things and fall back into old habits and patterns. It's hard to undo 41 years of a certain way of life. Then I get that same old feeling of dissatisfaction. I'm still not exactly sure how I want to live my life. But that's kind of the interesting part. I get to define it. I get to try out many different new things and see what feels right and what will stick.

This is all a difficult balancing act though. I'm a mother. I have a responsibility to my darling girl. So until she's a self-sufficient adult, I must take her into account in whatever life decision I make. And this is why I want to be an example to her and show her that she can also choose the way she leads her life.

So question the reality of the world with which you've been presented. Perhaps it's exactly how things are supposed to be for you. Perhaps it isn't. Don't you owe it to yourself to figure that out?

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