The ultimate “should we live together” questionnaire

As promised, here is The ultimate "should we live together" questionnaire.

These are questions I thought Mr. Romantic and I should answer and discuss before deciding if we want to live together. I think they put us in a better position to make a more informed decision.

In my opinion, having answers that don’t match doesn’t mean we shouldn’t live together. It just means we have more to discuss. They're meant to help us learn more about each other.

I’ve made a few edits to take away the more personal aspects of these questions and made them a bit more universal for any of you to use if you’re thinking of shacking up with your sweetie. Perhaps you'll think that some of the questions are a little negative or morbid, but in my opinion they're important nonetheless. Maybe they can help you make the important decision of living together.

A little work before might mean a simpler life together afterwards.

  1. Why should we live together?
  2. When should we live together?
  3. What do you want from our relationship?
  4. How do we make decisions?
  5. How do we resolve conflicts?
  6. Should we revisit the arrangement in the future to discuss how it’s going? If so, when?
  7. What happens if we find that we can’t live together?
  1. We’ve already discussed that expenses would be shared. Which ones and how?
  2. Should we open a joint account?
  3. If we open a joint account, how would we use it? Do we agree on a fixed amount to use for expenses and any savings would go to other household projects (renovations or new furniture) or are those accounted for separately? Do we simply put in the amount needed just to cover regular expenses?

  1. Who does what chores?
  2. Who takes care of laundry? Should we keep laundry separate?
  3. Who cleans after the pet(s)? How often?
  4. Who feeds the pet(s)?
  5. What are your thoughts on hiring a professional cleaning service to clean the house?
  6. If you think a cleaning service is a good idea, how often should they come over to clean?
  7. How do we handle snow removal?
Most articles I’ve read recommend a couple find a new space to share, if possible. However, this is not the most practical solution in our situation since one of us is already a homeowner. Regardless, it’s important to feel like it’s as much one's home as the other's.
  1. Do we get a new place?
  2. If not, whose home do we live in?
  3. How will we make room for the each other in the home?
  4. Should our bedroom be our sanctuary (no kids allowed)?
  5. Do we both contribute to new furniture (or other decorative objects)?
  6. What are your thoughts on the costs of maintaining or repairing the house?
  7. What happens if we break up? Who moves out?
  8. What happens if we decide to sell the house? Are profits shared? If so, how?
  9. What happens if we decide to sell the house and buy a new one? Who owns the new house?
  10. What happens if we break up after we’ve bought a new house together?
Children (family)
  1. How do you see my role with your child(ren)?
  2. How do I see my role with your child(ren)?
  3. Do you expect me to babysit your child(ren)? If so, in what circumstances?
  4. Do you expect me to take part in the morning and evening routines with your child(ren)? If so, how?
  5. What if a child that has left home asks to come back to live with us?
  6. What if a child that has left home asks to come back to live with us and wants to bring their partner?
  7. What if a child that has left home asks to come back to live with us and she’s pregnant or he/she has a baby?
  8. How do you feel about sleepovers (a niece or nephew, a child’s friend, another relative)?
  9. Are you planning on having special time just for you and your child(ren)? If so, what and how?
  10. Are you planning on having special family time, everyone included?
  11. Should I have special time with your child(ren)?
  12. What if I get into an argument with your child(ren) and he/she says that he/she doesn’t want us to live together anymore?
  1. Should we spend time apart?
  2. If so, how, how often, when?
  3. How often should we travel?
  4. Should all of our travels be done together?
  5. What if one of us wants to visit a place the other doesn’t?
  1. What are your short term goals (1 to 2 years)?
  2. What are your medium term goals (3 to 8 years)?
  3. What are your long term goals (9 years and beyond)?
  4. What are or will be your work hours and commute?
  5. What if one of us dies during our relationship? Do you have a will? Does the house belong to your child(ren) or your estate after you die?
  6. What is your deal breaker?
  7. Is there anything else you’d like to say or ask that wasn’t covered in The ultimate “should we live together” questionnaire?


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